November 27, 2007

Swansons.... Grrr...

How to make your "Hungry Man Dinner"
(by John)
  1. Remove tray from box. Look at the different compartments for each food group: fried chicken, corn, mashed potato (in theory) and chocolate brownie. (What - no cobbler?!?)
  2. Remove frozen corn from the other compartments and return to the corn compartment. (We can't have any inter-food-group mingling.)
  3. Remove plastic covering from everything except the corn. Poke holes in plastic over corn. (You'd have to be a surgeon to get this part right the first time...)
  4. Replace pathetic, hacked, torn flap of plastic over the corn compartment, and hope that the corn doesn't somehow get over-cooked or spoiled due to your lack of skill. (You ruin everything you touch!)
  5. Put dinner in microwave for Phase One of cooking sequence: 3:30 minutes. (Hurry up! "Heroes" is just starting!)
  6. 33:30 minutes later, take out dinner. According to package, "carefully remove brownie from tray and set aside".
  7. Finish cursing and place scalded fingers under cold water for 20 seconds.
  8. Place broken-yet-still-atomically-hot, molten brownie pieces onto side dish, after picking them up off the floor.
  9. Remove remaining piece of plastic from the corn compartment (free at last!) and replace tray in microwave for 1:30 minute burn to cook the Swanson's chicken and potatoes to their yummy completion.
  10. Run to couch to catch a few seconds of Heroes before the second commercial break.
  11. Blow on fingers. (Cold water didn't work that well.)
  12. Return to kitchen and throw brownie parts away. Who are you kidding? It was on the floor.
  13. Remove dinner tray from microwave. Watch out - the tray is hot!
  14. Pick up tray from counter. Blow on fingers. Repeat Step 7 if necessary.
  15. Read label: "Let stand for 1 minute before serving."
  16. If potatoes have the taste or consistency of wet cotton candy, scoop out and throw down the sink.
  17. Re-read label: "Stir potatoes before serving."
  18. Run to couch to catch a few seconds of Heroes before the third commercial break.
  19. Wolf down Hungry Man dinner before end of the third commercial break.
  20. Make some toast to pack in the corners.
  21. Heroes is over, Hungry Man.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's so funny. You're such a butthead. Yes, folks, that's my husband. xoxo