Today, I'm a bit sick, feeling run down. It's a grey, incredibly foggy day and we're sitting in the upstairs Starbucks at Brentwood Mall.
I had a flash of a feeling of separateness, or isolation. It feels like isolation has been central to my outlook in many moments in my life. Whether I was alone or with others when I was born, it has always felt to me like I was essentially alone. Family and friends (whom I love) all go away eventually, as I will one day. "You're on your own" is how I feel sometimes - at least when my spirit is dragged down by a slight cold and general lack of energy. It sucks. This is also my self-centred or self-pitying outlook, coming to the surface, winning out over optimism and happiness.
I should talk about optimism as well. I also had a flash image of Christmas... An image of being surrounded by family in someone's warm livingroom, laughing and taking pictures. These feelings came almost immediately after the negative feelings. I suppose I have some psychological self-correcting feature or something.