A Pantheon of Heroes, Villians, Gods and Monsters" or "That Wonder Alternate Reality"

I think that the modern mythologies and worlds that have been created by comic book writers, artists and publishers are nothing short of amazing. They are also worlds that I love to escape to whenever I can.

Little People Talking in Word Balloons.

My earliest memories of reading are the word balloons in the Sunday colour comics section of the Times-Colonist newspaper. I remember the smell and touch of the thin paper sheets, spread out on the fireplace hearth in Poppy's house (my maternal grandfather), at 1002 Cook Street in Victoria, BC. I would be laying flat on my belly with my noise an inch away from the paper, poring over every detail - immersed in some abstract world of various levels of meaning. I was engaged by the colour printing and fascinated by the sometimes crappy registration of the colours, which revealed to me the layered process that created the images and words. I read it all with curiosity and conviction, as if it were my personal bible. Many of the words I didn't understand, but I usually could infer the meaning by looking at the pictures.

The little rectangles of the Sunday colour comics, or the even tinier, more cryptic ones in the dailies, portrayed a small, safe world, full of familiar characters in familiar poses, doing and saying familiar things. It was a welcoming, non-challenging world of boxes - like pretty little presents served up by some unseen hands. I knew that the authors, whomever they were, were not speaking to me specifically, but were doing something like talking through their words and drawings. They were telling me their many stories. And from it, there was that same, warm comfort that I had experienced from hearing a bedtime or school-time story: "Oh boy! A story! What fun!"

Occasionally, I wondered who it was who drew and spoke through "Peanuts" (who was "Schulz"?) or "The Lockhornes". When I was five or six, much of the humour, sarcasm and double entendres of more the subtle newspaper strips, like "B.C." or "Rex Morgan, M.D." absolutely confused me.

Ah, Sweet Sarcasm and Scary, Grown-up Stuff

I have that same maternal Grandfather, Poppy, to thank for my becoming aware of other more mature forms of comics. Thanks to him, I got my hands on my first "Mad Magazine" and on Warren monster mags like "Creepy" and "Eerie". These were probably tossed in the trash by my Dad or my Grandmother, but it was the photographer's eye, and even more, the mischievous little boy in my dear old Poppy which brought me those little glimpses of a more daring, more grown-up and less saccharine world. Thanks in part to Mad (and more likely to my parents), I probably called my sister stupid for the first time, and used a disrespectful, sarcastic tone of voice when speaking to her. After this behaviour earned me a few raps on the head from my Dad, the sarcasm didn't seem quite so empowering.

The Warren mags showed me glimpses of men in mysterious space helmets blasting monsters while protecting voluptuous, scantily clad women. Most of this was beautifully rendered in stark black and white line art. The stories felt just a little dirty, and much more interesting and serious than the shallow Sunday funnies.

The darker, grittier themes really resonated with me as I got older. My earliest comic book memory was of a Batman comic that I thumbed through at a corner grocery store in Langley, around 1972, when I was about six. It might have been illustrated by Neil Adams - it was in his era - but the dark tones and sombre mood showed me that little colour comic books could have an adult level and depth of character as well. At the time, I didn't know why they appealed to me so much, but I just knew that I liked them.

Five or six years later, I rediscovered "Creepy" magazine at a local grocery, and knew I had to have it. Over the next few years, I bought "Creepy", "Eerie", "Vampirella" and "Famous Monsters of Filmland" as often as I could, and amassed a collection of 50 or 60 such magazines. After the Warren mags ceased publication in the early eighties, I began collecting Heavy Metal with much the same fervor.

Heavy Metal brought me back to that same mysterious, bad boy feeling that I'd enjoyed years before with Eerie, but this time, I could understand all the stories and the dialogue, and enjoyed it all in luxurious full-colour artwork by artists such as Bilal, Mobius, Corben, and McKie. I collected dozens of these mags too, and occasionally I will still pick one up today.

High School: A Good Place to Study Comics

Later on, to my great delight, I discovered that my high school library carried many hardcover books on the topic of comics and comic artists. I began to learn more about the origins and development of many famous heroes, and some of the culture that brought them into being.

I learned about Superman's genesis as a character, and the mythology of how he came to Earth as a superhuman protector of the world. I also learned about the Fantasic Four, and one of my all-time favourite characters, "Galactus, the Devourer of Worlds". The classic Stan Lee/Jack Kirby story arc from the sixties showed me that little colour comics could contain immense scope in their plots, with grandiose and complex settings like alternate realities, and Gods walking the Earth, and abstract, massive-scale themes like the destruction of the world. With vague references to Neitcheism, Religion and Nihilism, the FF seemed to be written for dope-smoking college philosophy students. It was all served up with that blend of pathos, soap opera melodrama and bombastic exposition that characterized a Stan Lee Marvel tale. For pure energy and bang-per-buck, stuff-per-panel quotient, Marvel kicked DC's sorry ass up and down the block back in those days. The John Byrne era of "Fantastic Four", in the mid-eighties, is to me a high point for that series - a high-water mark both artistically and thematically. "THOOOM!" is still one of my favourite words.

The Best Panteon of Gods and Heroes

The more I read comics, the more interesting, god-like characters I discovered. The Marvel and DC Universes each have their own creation myth, and are crammed full with hundreds upon hundreds of beings, possessing varying degrees of superhuman abilities, comprising a vast pop culture mythological hierarchy. It's so complex now, that it makes the Pantheons of Greek or Hindu dieties seem like a laundry list, and has done a lot to confuse and even alienate some new readers.

All in all, I suppose that all this would make pop culture - more specifically comics - my true religion.

Feel Like I'm Walking Ten Feet Tall

Happy I'm floating
Around on my feet now
You make me go dizzy
I'm weak at the knees
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall

Well you say I'm faking
And I say don't worry
The way that I bubble
There's something in the make
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall

Right, the chemistry is right
This boy has reached his height
The feeling just goes on and on...
From strength to strength
I'm ten feet long...
I feel like I'm walking
Round ten feet tall

How to become a writer, Part 2.

How to Become a Paperback Writer, in 16 E-zee Steps: Part 2
Note: I didn't say "popular paperback writer" or "good paperback writer".
Just so you know, you were warned...

Need to catch up? Read Part 1...

I am currently stuck at...

14. Here I am, waiting, waiting, waiting...
In late May, I submitted my final, proofread manuscript and my finished cover design artwork and in early June I uploaded related notes and instructions to the Publisher via email. So they now have everything needed to start creating a first draft for me to review and approve.

I have learned that a Printing Technician at the publisher has now finished assessing my materials - probably to see if they can get my draft composed within the 2 hours labour that my Publishing Package specifies. But, progress is happening: I have been assigned my ISBN number. Woo hoo - it's a book.

So, thus far, not much hand-holding through this process as far as I'm concerned (he said, wearing his "worried customer" hat), but now it's *completely* out of my control, so I must wait patiently while other people do their job...

I look forward to the next step...

Earnest Angley's Cathedral Buffet and Life of Christ Display

Out of boredom and curiosity, I did a Google search for 'earnest oh" (the name of my avatar in Second Life), and came upon "Earnest Angley's Cathedral Buffet and Life of Christ Display".

Holy Cheesey, saw-them-comin'-a mile-away Batman! This is a monument to kitsch that makes other kitsch look pretty good...

How to become a writer, by john.

How to Become a Paperback Writer, in 16 e-zee Steps:
Note: I didn't say "popular paperback writer" or "good paperback writer".
Just so you know, you were warned...

1. Get laid off from your day job. Nothing motivates more than the fear of not having an income or a future.
• In 2002, I was laid-off after my employer, a small high-tech firm, ran out of money. Pending new financing (which was never a sure thing), I was back in the job market. After a fairly aggressive job search for the first month or two, I needed some kind of creative project to keep me from going totally loony. I decided to start writing a spoof or parody/social drama of the detective/adventure thriller genre, featuring a cast of low-income, East Vancouver characters. I took structural inspiration from Ian Fleming's James Bond thrillers, which have been a favourite of mine since I was in my teens.
2. Sketch out the motivations of your characters. Build the world in which they live.
• I started scribbling in a notebook, perched on the side of my bed mornings or nights. I tried to pin down the most significant characteristics of my key characters, basing them on traits from real people in my life. Some traits would be exaggerated to help identify a "type" or class for the character (good guy, bad guy, helper/friend, victim, observer).
3. Start writing. Keep doing it.
• Kinda self-explanatory, but really the most difficult and time-consuming part. I had to just plunge into things on the page and not worry much about structural issues, just to get something down.
  
4. Step back and check for realistic frames of reference: time, place, pacing and organization.
• As my story evolved and became more complex, I discovered that I really needed to pin down a time frame within which the whole story would take place. I needed to be certain about which events would be happening when, if they'd overlap or interact, and how long (realistically) each event would take to happen. Basically, my hope is that if this kind of detail is tended to, it creates a foundation of realism that can support more fantastic or less-than-likely situations.
  
• Whenever I was outside an area of personal expertise - if I wasn't sure about some fact or technical detail (like a detail in some character's past career), I'd find someone I could ask about it. In my case, I needed some terminology, procedures and place-names for a character who had retired from the military. I am fortunate to have a brother with a military background, and who has friends with similar backgrounds. I ended up with more information than I could use, but something of it will be useful in future stories, I expect.
5. See Step 3. Also, see Step 3.
6. Despair may set in. Don't give up.
• I started my initial writing and character development back in September of 2002. I got as finished as I could with a "final draft" by February of 2008. That's basically five and a half years of on-again-off-again effort.
7. Take a break from writing the story, and look at other aspects of the projects.
• Occasionally, it was refreshing for me to spend a little time researching on the topics of publishing or book design. Almost all of this was done online. I ultimately decided to self-publish, primarily so that I could *ensure* that my novel would see the light of day under my own terms. I visualized a book being created - a physical novel being in my hands at the end of it. As I got more convinced that I was evolving an engaging work, it became easier to visualize it in some kind of finished form.
• Sometimes this was an inspiration. Other times, it was a distraction. Don't take too much time off from writing like this, or the damn thing will never get done!
8. I was going to self-publish, so it was time to pick a publisher.
• I looked at AuthorHouse and Trafford. I selected Trafford because they are Canadian and local to me. You can make your own decision.
  
9. When you think the story is done, it probably isn't. Be your own critic.
   
• Take a break from it for a few days or a week. Then, read it through and see if you feel the same way.
10. Repeat Step 9 as many times as it takes until you feel that the story is bullet-proof.
11. Hire a Pro Editor and have them do Step 9 too.
• I've written enough technical stuff in my career to know that even when I think it's rock solid and has been double-checked, someone else will always find something I missed. I'd much rather be informed of a mistake by a pro on the inside of my project, than by a customer on the outside.
12. Close the deal with the publisher.
• Read everything carefully, phone or email to ask questions about anything you aren't sure of, and finally, sign the contract, and pay the money to do the self-publishing thing.
13. I like the design part too. Make it a good-looking book.
• Even at the edge of some burnout on the project, I decided to create original illustrations and a book cover design for my novel. I decided that people may look more favourably upon a novel that has an attractive, engaging and colourful cover. I wanted my book to look different from the other self-published books. I researched source imagery on the web, and got out the pencils, India ink and paper. And a scanner. And Photoshop. But that's just me.
  
14. Here I am, waiting, waiting, waiting...
• I have now submitted my manuscript to the Editor, and have begun the cover design artwork myself. I expect to hear from the Publisher before too long, so that I can get a little hand-holding through the rest of the publishing process.
15. If all goes well...
• In a couple of months, I will have a bunch of books with my name on them, and my words in them. I intend to take a good long whiff of that lovely "new book smell" - savour the smell of success. It smells like... victory.
16. So, is it selling? How well? Who's buying it? Anyone?
    
• Who can tell what will happen here. I'll update this later...
  

The Power of 1000 True Fans

I got this originally from Darren Barefoot's blog - a report on the original topic by Kevin Kelly - and a fascinating and empowering concept...

From Kevin Kelly's blog:

...the actual number may vary depending on the media. Maybe it is 500 True Fans for a painter and 5,000 True Fans for a videomaker. The numbers must surely vary around the world. But in fact the actual number is not critical, because it cannot be determined except by attempting it. Once you are in that mode, the actual number will become evident. That will be the True Fan number that works for you. My formula may be off by an order of magnitude, but even so, its far less than a million.

I've been scouring the literature for any references to the True Fan number. Suck.com co-founder Carl Steadman had theory about microcelebrities. By his count, a microcelebrity was someone famous to 1,500 people. So those fifteen hundred would rave about you. As quoted by Danny O'Brien, "One person in every town in Britain likes your dumb online comic. That's enough to keep you in beers (or T-shirt sales) all year."

Others call this microcelebrity support micro-patronage, or distributed patronage.

The Christmas Spread...

It's feeling like with each Christmas season, my list of cards and gifts for relatives and friends gets just a bit smaller.

Stuff I'll miss or regret this year:

• Christmas Gift Exchange and dinner with my sister and her kids. This will be my number one Christmas bummer from now on... I miss them all so much.
  
• Buying presents for my parents. They're long gone (but always loved and never forgotten...)
  

Stuff I'm looking forward to and am thankful for this year:

• Christmas Gift Exchange and dinner with my wife's family (they're really my family too). This is the best time, with lots of laughter, jokes, silly faces and funny photos. I can't wait.
  
• My first cup of Egg Nog and my first mince meat tart. Those tastes often "lock in" the old Christmas feeling...
• Christmas Eve or Christmas morning: on one of these, my wife and I will exchange our gifts.
• On Boxing Day, my wife and I will do our Boxing Day tradition: Watch a movie trilogy - either Lord of the Rings or Star Wars.
  

...well, at least the "thankfuls" outweigh the "regrets". I'm going to suck it up and donate some money and unwanted goods to the needy. Doing something for someone else is the antidote to feeling blue over your own little problems.

No matter how bad you feel, there's always someone else who is doing worse than you, so help them already...

As for the somewhat shrinking card and gift list, I'll add a few new friends to that too...

Swansons.... Grrr...

How to make your "Hungry Man Dinner"
(by John)

1. Remove tray from box. Look at the different compartments for each food group: fried chicken, corn, mashed potato (in theory) and chocolate brownie. (What - no cobbler?!?)
   
2. Remove frozen corn from the other compartments and return to the corn compartment. (We can't have any inter-food-group mingling.)
   
3. Remove plastic covering from everything except the corn. Poke holes in plastic over corn. (You'd have to be a surgeon to get this part right the first time...)
   
4. Replace pathetic, hacked, torn flap of plastic over the corn compartment, and hope that the corn doesn't somehow get over-cooked or spoiled due to your lack of skill. (You ruin everything you touch!)
5. Put dinner in microwave for Phase One of cooking sequence: 3:30 minutes. (Hurry up! "Heroes" is just starting!)
6. 33:30 minutes later, take out dinner. According to package, "carefully remove brownie from tray and set aside".
7. Finish cursing and place scalded fingers under cold water for 20 seconds.
8. Place broken-yet-still-atomically-hot, molten brownie pieces onto side dish, after picking them up off the floor.
9. Remove remaining piece of plastic from the corn compartment (free at last!) and replace tray in microwave for 1:30 minute burn to cook the Swanson's chicken and potatoes to their yummy completion.
10. Run to couch to catch a few seconds of Heroes before the second commercial break.
11. Blow on fingers. (Cold water didn't work that well.)
12. Return to kitchen and throw brownie parts away. Who are you kidding? It was on the floor.
13. Remove dinner tray from microwave. Watch out - the tray is hot!
14. Pick up tray from counter. Blow on fingers. Repeat Step 7 if necessary.
15. Read label: "Let stand for 1 minute before serving."
    
16. If potatoes have the taste or consistency of wet cotton candy, scoop out and throw down the sink.
17. Re-read label: "Stir potatoes before serving."
    
18. Run to couch to catch a few seconds of Heroes before the third commercial break.
19. Wolf down Hungry Man dinner before end of the third commercial break.
20. Make some toast to pack in the corners.
21. Heroes is over, Hungry Man.