February 08, 2005

Shaking Hands with the Devil

Shake Hand with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda.I have just finished reading Lt. General Romeo Dallaire's excellent book, Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda. This is Mr. Dallaire's tragic and awe-inspiring first-hand account of his experiences inside the Rwandan genocide.

Mr. Dallaire was the leader of the UN peace keeping force in Rwanda during the early 1990s, and although trained as a soldier specializing in Cold War-era peace keeping methods, he admits that he felt unprepared to come face to face with the brutal inhumanity of Rwanda. From his descriptions, Rwanda became a society intent on destroying itself from the inside, one person at a time.

Mr. Dallaire tells his story with an effective, natural voice - sometimes speaking as a professional military tactician, dealing with resource and people security, mobility and planning and deployment amidst a seeming myriad of conflicting requirements from outside parties. In this role, he is like Sisyphus, pushing an enormous rock up an increasingly steep incline, while third parties increase the burden or try to trip him up. The other voice that cries out from behind the professional burdens and dense bureaucratic and political fog is that of a human being who cannot tolerate the suffering, displacement, manipulation and murder of other human beings - the Rwandan people, who suffered originally as exploited subjects of racist, colonial Belgium, and later as subjects of an institutionalized racism and classicism that pitted them against each other.

The conflict was initially seen to be between two Rwandan classes: The Hutus and the Tutsis. The labels had originally been applied by the Belgian colonial government. It was a way to divide and conquer the populace by create divisions that could be exploited to allow a minority (the white colonists, and those labeled as Tutsi) to maintain control over the majority (anyone labelled Hutu).

During Dallaire's tour of duty, there were seen to be two sides battling in Rwanda: vestiges of the Belgian-Tutsi regime which had held power, known as the Rwandan Government Force (RGF), and the Hutu, rebel force known as the Rwandan People's Front (RPF).

Dallaire found himself in the middle of these two belligerent parties, under-funded and under-equipped by the UN (well below the level which he had originally requested). He soon witnessed the lies, brainwashing and desperation which would be key contributors in driving the population to begin killing itself in the streets.

In the end, Dallaire suffered as he bore witness the the slaughter of 800,000 Rwandan people over the course of 100 days, while the international community did it's best to avoid involvement or responsibility.

To me, Romeo Dallaire exemplifies a standard of dedication, discipline, and humanitarian activism to which every peace-keeping soldier should aspire.

Learning about his experiences, and the difficulties inherent in international peace-keeping (as opposed to the "war on terrorism" which has primarily been a war of conquest) has reminded me of how my father and my brother have spoken with pride or a sense of justification about Canada's continuing role in the UN peace keeping efforts. I learned that Canada's Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson originally created the UN peace keeping force, and I learned how the blue berets or blue helmets are closely associated with Canada, and vice-versa.

As a Canadian, I'm very proud of this role (or at least our intention to perform it, even if our resources or government funding don't always allow us to perform as effectively as possible).

January 30, 2005

The rank of love, Part 3: john love

The continuing saga of how to find john love in the Google search engine.

I discovered in late December that my main web site, ejohnlove.com is back at #1 in the Google search engine again! If you enter the word john followed by a space, and then the word love and hit enter, my web site pops up at number one out of over 23 million search results.

I was afraid that after losing this wonderful ranking a few months ago, it would never happen again, but I suppose the loss was only a temporary one, possibly Google doing a clean-up or re-evaluation of it's data, or something.

Anyway, people seem to search for john love in Google every day. I don't know what they're looking for exactly, but if it was me, at least I know I'm not that hard to find. (I guess that's a good thing. I still haven't decided why I think it's a good thing...)

January 26, 2005

Blue Knob??

I guess this just proves how sick I am...

Today, as I was working on one of my employer's commercial listings pages, I ran across these company names:

Blue Knob Vacation Rentals
Beaver Creek Vacation Rentals

...and I just couldn't stop laughing...

Who the heck names their company "Blue Knob" anyway? Only someone living in Blue Knob, Pennsylvania, I guess...

...but who named the town?

I'm sure it's probably a lovely town, but is it really cold there?

January 14, 2005

Now here's a Sexy Beast...

Now here's a Sexy Beast... (taken from "The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century :: Joey deVilla's Weblog")

"Yeeaaahhh... Work it... work it... Ohhh yeeaaaah... You're sexy..."

(whispering) "Um, Bill, why is there a Macintosh on the desk back there? Maybe we should move that?

Whaddya mean 'Shut up and immortalize my sexy greatness'... Fine..."

Click. Poof.

...and thus, a soon-to-be reviled software demi-god stumbles into the centrefold for the 1981 issue of Byte magazine (or wherever the hell this piece of shmaltz was published...)

Is it just me, or does this dude look exhausted. Get some sleep Bill! Like just put your head right down on that monitor and close your eyes.

January 07, 2005

Is that shirt on correctly? Is that arrow pointing the right way?


The last few weeks have been full of sad news; of large and small losses. By various unrelated circumstances, four people have left my work in as many weeks. This to me, seems like some kind of negative record. This is just my subjective opinion.

But I'm not used to getting wounded by a bunch of little paper cuts: "#1 Ouch, that hurt. I'll miss working with that person. Sigh. Get over it and adapt. #2 Ouch - that hurt. Sigh..." etc. etc. I think the proper phrase is "death by a thousand cuts" or something. I'm not used to this. I'm used to a full-on, glorious group beheading; to the whole blamed company going down the tubes, with a big layoff of the staff, whereafter a bunch of us might run into each other at the E.I. office the next morning. You know, big and agonizingly painful, not just small and slightly depressing.

It could just be some displaced guilt on my part, due to the fact that I'm still around. It's probably unwarranted or stupid for me to even entertain any guilty conscience. Maybe it's that I'm used to feeling a lot worse than this. (That sounds backwards.) Maybe it's just the residual after-taste from dozens of "goodbye" cakes. They taste nice at the time, but can repeat on ya later... (ah, finaly, a metaphor I can sink my teeth into.)

Top this whining off with killer tsunamis, feeling sad for other coworkers who are suffering through family losses and grief, or news stories of people freezing to death on the streets. And in the foreground of all of this stuff, my regular monthly cycle of not being able to get my work completed quickly enough. I feel like I've been apologizing for little failings for weeks now.

There definitely are happy, positive, or successful moments where I feel gratified again - proud of my accomplishments and of how I try to treat my friends, family or coworkers. However, sometimes it's difficult to keep the happy thoughts balanced in mind alongside the unhappy thoughts.

Today, I was having a bite of lunch in the school's dining hall with my coworker Carol. She asked me what my t-shirt said. It's a Christmas present from my in-laws that says "I'm with Stoopid" with an arrow that points up. (I'm quite proud to wear it, really.)

"What does it mean?" she asked.

"Huh? 'I'm with stupid', but the arrow points up." I made a gesture towards my chin and smiled cheesily.

"Where are you pointing? To god?" she asked, looking to the ceiling and laughing.

Wow. Good one, I thought to myself later on.

If a god is up there somewhere (and as an ahtiest, I'm not saying I would believe in him/her/them/it even if he/she/they/it did exist), then I think that such a being must have a wicked, dark sense of humour.

A buddhist would tell me that the dark humour is all my own. Maybe *I* really am with stupid. :)

I can't wait for Spring, when things begin to grow and bloom again...

January 02, 2005

"The Day Undramatic" with John Love

Today I watched the movie The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou at Cinemark Tinseltown.

What sucked me into this film in the first place was the overall quirkiness of the production, which to me had hints of the Beatles or Monty Python fantasy elements, and the right-on soundtrack (a Devo song - yay!).

Afterwards, I got an Americano and headed outide into the early afternoon sun. It was weird and lucky to find a spot at end of a sidewalk bench where the sun hid perfectly behind the silhouette of the street signals.. I HATE sun in my eyes. I knew in a minute or so the sun would creep around that lamp and get me right in the eyes. Oh well. The air was crisp and the coffee hot, and there was nowhere I had to be anytime soon.

After my coffee was done, I took the Skytrain all the way out to Surrey and back, just because I hadn't been out that way in many years. Overall, it was a nice little day.

December 21, 2004

The Return of Dad's Old Chair

Me and Dad, Carlton Lodge, 1986

(A continuation of Dad's Old Chair...)

Yesterday, I came home and saw something I didn't think I'd see again - right in the middle of our kitchen floor. It was my Dad's old wheelchair.

After my Dad passed away in 1989, my father in law agreed to keep it at his house in case it was ever needed (and plus, he had the space for it).

Back in March 2004, we learned that the Grandmother of one of my wife's oldest friends could use a wheelchair, so Dad's chair ended up going into service for our friend's dear old Nana.

Unfortunately, her Nana passed away not too long ago, and the chair came back home here with us.

Seeing it once more was not something I ever expected, and my wife Grace was convinced that I would become depressed just at the sight of it (which had happened to me before upon seeing it back in March).

But this time when I saw the chair, it was more like seeing a familiar face. I was happy to see it! I think I felt more sentimental about it as a symbol of usefulness and service than as a symbol of suffering and incapacity. It had performed it's job for Dad, and then again for our friend's Nana, and now I got a chance to see it once again and to be tangibly reminded of my Dad.

I got out my camera and took a few pictures of it, with no clear idea why, except that I wanted to have some evidence for when the chair would once again be gone, probably for good. It might sound weird, but it was very important to me at the time.

Tempting fate (and by "fate", I mean my propensity towards mild depression at this time of year), I sat down in Dad's wheelchair for a few minutes. I wheeled around a bit in our little hall and kitchen area, and thought about the effort it takes to navigate on wheels using just your arms (or in my Dad's case, using one arm and two feet).

Both my parents spent years of their life confined to wheelchairs. Even with the idea of wheels, and the mobility implied by them, it must, I'm sure, also be like rolling around inside a little steel cage. Freedom, from inside a rolling enclosure.

Maybe after a while, it becomes more like the relationship I used to have with my bicycle. Up until I was 19, I rode a bike everywhere, and almost never took the bus. When I was using it, my bike became an extension of my body and senses. On the road, I was the bike and the bike was me. When I wasn't riding it, I saw it as a trustworthy, dependable tool, without which I would be less capable.

Maybe that's the feeling I had seeing the old wheelchair again: "There's good ol' trusty, ready for another assignment."

So, I think it's likely that Dad's old wheelchair may next be donating it's services at the senior's care centre next door.

December 12, 2004

A one-man show at the Big News Cafe...

Outside the Big News cafe at Granville and Broadway, a homeless guy asked me for 2 bucks for a coffee (exactly $2.09 to be precise) and I gave it.

Inside he asked a young guy to buy him something to eat. The young guy quietly said no each time Homeless asked. Homeless gave up and, as he added cream to his coffee, muttered "You never do nothin for me. Never do nothin. Don't care about no one. You never do nothin for me."

Young guy didn't seem to notice this. It was obvious he didn't know Homeless, and to me it looked like he wasn't the real target of the older man's bitterness. So Homeless kept muttering to some personal ghost of lost Christmasses past, and then suddenly rushed out of the store as if he were trying to catch a bus (there was no bus).

As I had watched Homeless muttering bitterly at theyoung guy, it struck me that his misdirected rant was possibly a more honest display of his feelings - his psychological repetoire - than some healthy people would display. It was an overt and visible demonstration of some letdown from his past. Someone else had said no to him before - maybe someone important like a friend or family member. Now it was stuck in him like a tape loop now, waiting for the trigger to trip it into action. But at least he had an outlet, I guess.